Eva Longoria is like a cat in heat or a retarded kid who rubs it’s genitals up against things because shit feels good and because he doesn’t know any better, like that time I volunteered to teach retards how to swim and it ended up being a fucking circle jerk as 8 retarded kids pulled out their dicks and started beating their shit harder than their dad’s beat their moms while they were pregnant to make them end up the way they did. I tried to stop them, and figured if you can’t beat them, you might as well join them. The group that organized the retard swim wasn’t too impressed with my attempt to make those fuckers feel normal.

Just because these pictures surfaced of Madonna buying a strap-on dildo doesn’t mean that Madonna is going to be using the strap-on dildo on her husband and I find it pretty annoying that people are making that obvious joke just because Guy Ritchie looks a like a scared kid who is about to be punished for breaking mommy’s favorite lamp or locking his little brother in the closet for a day or maybe even for getting caught fingerbanging playing doctor with the neighbor or some shit….

There are a ton of possibilities for the strap on, other than it being a gift for a friend or for one of Madonna’s lesbian adventures, it’s only 6 inches big so I can assume it’s not for Madonna, I am sure her junk is built like a Fridge Box and six inches won’t touch the walls of neither ass nor pussy.

I had a friend who used to like anal play with his chick. He would go on about how amazing her finger in his ass was when getting sucked off, he’d go on about how she’d end up sticking random things in his ass and how it was amazing and at first I thought it was fucking gay and that he was implying that he wanted me in his ass so I stopped talking to him, but as time went on I learnt that assholes give pleasure and more and more people started coming out of the woodwork admitting they had ass play with their chicks, whether its a rim job or a finger or whatever.

I still thought it was weird but was curious so I tried to convince whores to lick my ass to see if it was as hype as all these people said it was. It was like when I found out that all the guys in my class were jerking off and I hadn’t picked up on it yet and dropped my inhibitions and pulled a wack. Either way, I was rejected by hookers, like dirty fucking hooker who I was willing to pay due to my hygiene issues and inability to wipe my ass properly, everytime they’d try they’d stop by saying “dude your asshole is crusted over with shit”. I finally found one whore, who was fucking down on her luck and who didn’t care and while she was eating the shit out of my ass, I got bored and I decided to fart in her face…making the experience really funny but that’s where ass play ended for me.

The point of my story is that if you have taken a finger in your ass like so many dudes have, you’re already into this kind of thing. I you marry a sexually liberated woman like Madonna, you’ve gotta be pretty sexually liberated too, and who knows maybe he’s bored of getting the finger in the ass and has worked his way through household objects and is now making the big step to taking it like a bitch, because I am sure being married to Madonna automatically makes you the bitch. I am sure he’s got no fucking choice int he matter and I don’t think it’s that big of a deal, there are so many fags and closet cases and shit out there, that if you’re doing what you like and keeping it out in the open like there’s nothing to be ashamed of, then why bother dissing it, because who knows maybe they’ll end up making an instructional video on how it’s done and the only thing better than thinking Madonna fucks her man up the ass is seeing Madonna fuck her man up the ass.

I guess what it comes down to is that at least he gets pussy which is more than I can say for you and I know you find this whole post uncomfortable, but that’s only because you find yourself jerking off to the guy who works at your favorite coffee shop …. when you know that you should be jerking off to the girl….

I was inspired by my Beckham is a sex doll post, so I went on a quest to find a man and his doll in romantic love affair. This is what I came up with. I think the pictures speak for themself, dude’s in love with his doll, an unhealthy obsession but he’s got a beard and that in itself is creepy. I would say that I hope this guy is none of your dad’s but a man who loves a doll probably has very little real vagina, so little that knockin a bitch up isn’t an issue, either is STDs. If we’re lucky, this motherfucker is your teacher, or neighbor or manager at Best Buy. Because that would make this post funny.