Wanna know what happens when you are a 35 year old actress who has doesn’t get much work despite having 30 credits under her belt, most of those probably low paying cameo roles, including her big American Pie breakout as the webcam slut before webcam sluts were an everyday thing, who have turned to playing poker semi-professionally, like a few of my hopeless friends who rock the video lottery machines 12 hours a day waiting for the big payout because they can’t get work and because every once in a while they manage to double their welfare checks? They drive Hondas. Although a reliable Japanese car that is good on gas, it’s not really respected in Celebrity circles, but then again, either is Shannon Elizabeth. So it all makes sense.
I love how pissed off dudes get when they see a bitch they want to fuck or a bitch that they have fucked rockin’ out with a brother. I don’t think anything can piss a white dude off more than knowing a black dude has been up in a bitch first. I was talking to a friend the other day who told me that shit was going well with his chick and was thinking about asking her to move in with him, then in a game of truth or dare amongst friends at a dinner party (because my friend is a fucking yuppie faggot who goes to couple parties to play truth or dare in hopes of hearing something hot that he can jerk off to because he can’t fuck other chicks), he found out that his girlfriend’s ex, that he knew all about and that he knew was the first to give her an orgasm and the first to fuck her up the ass and the first dude who knocked her up that lead to her first abortion or miscarriage was Black and he freaked out and dumped her. Now, this may not sound crazy to some of you racist fucks, but it sounded crazy to me, because he was about to move in with the girl and just because she got black dick before him, she was disgusting to him and damaged fuckin’ goods.
Shit like that never bothered me, maybe because I am brown and think white dudes are boring, suburban and lame, maybe it’s because I know black dudes have more game and know how to play a bitch better and get what he wants out of them and respect that, maybe it’s cuz I know girls are sluts who like getting ravaged by huge cocks and white dudes aren’t up for the task, but whatever it is, who cares.
What I do care about is why more white people aren’t hating on Kim Kardashian for fucking a black dude, you’d figure if you’d go so far to dump your girlfriend or never date the hot chick who wants you for doing the same thing, the least you could do is carry that racism over into your sexual fantasies and ignore eveything Kardashian does in hopes that she disappears, instead you sit there and jerk off to her like some kind of pervert because you are one.
Here’s some Shannon Elizabeth with a black dude who she may or may not be fucking.
Since my images still don’t work 100 percent and since dancing is porn to me, here’s some Shannon Elizablth Dancing with the Stars who aren’t really stars, because if they were, they would be too busy getting real work that doin’ a quickstep on a shitty variety show. Either way, there was a time I got hard for her fake tits and I figure that out of respect to the death of her sex appeal, I should honor it by posting this is some shit. Kinda like that time we Weekend and Bernied my neighbor who had a drug overdose 2 days before we found him and we had to sit with his body until the coroner came to get it. It took about 10 hours, we were drunk and thought that the best way to honor him was by turning him into some kind of puppet and making him do funny puppet things. All it took was a little rope and a strong stomach because dude had a bit of a stink to him but it got a whole lot of laughs when we went to the other neighbors’ doors making him ask fora cup sugar.
So I figure that you didn’t watch Dancing with the Stars because you aren’t that comfortable with your sexuality and you’re scared it’ll make you want to take up dance since it’s so graceful and you don’t want your friends to call you a fag for it, so you do everything in your power to stay the fuck away from that shit. Even when an ex-Playboy cover girl is the ‘Star” dancing a fool in what looks like a panty-shirt showing off her legs.
The funny thing about this show is that the stars they find are hardly stars so when I watch a clip I have a hard time figuring out who is the famous one and who is the hired dancing instructor? It seems that they are so desperate to get people on the show that if you were an uncredited extra in a movie, like I was back when I drunkenly walked on set of a movie shoot at 5 am a few years ago, you’d qualify for the show….That said…I’ll put my dancing shoes on, I want to show the world how this man moves. It’s really quite angelic.
Dancing with the stars seems to be digging into the crates trying to find some table scrap celebrities willing to disrupt their busy schedule of doing nothing to do the show. Shannon Elizabeth is the token hot girl this season, while everyone else on the roster are people I’ve never fuckin’ heard of. Making me wonder if the next step for Dancing with the Stars is going to be Dancing with People who Have Been on TV Once. It will be less table scraps celebrities and more real life people who have happened to have been on TV, like American Idol reject, talk show guests and maybe even audience members of live TV that you only see for a split second when they pan over the crowd…
I know that you all conisder this bitch and her shitty old lady ass in her shitty poverty jogging pants to be something special because you fell in love with her in American Pie and by fell in love, I mean masturbated to repeatedly. Reality is that American Pie came out 10 fuckin’ years ago and all she was in the movie was a hot set of tits who is now pushing 40. Stop living in the past, even if was the height of your popularity.
That said, dancing is for queers and the only dance I do is called sitting on my couch all day in my own mess surfing the internet and drinking whiskey until the sun comes up. It’s a pretty lonely dance.
Look how in love Shannon Elizabeth is, she can’t control herself enough to not make a fucking spectacle out of kissing her boyfriend at the basketball game for the world to see. I guess it’s her way of letting the world know she’s off the market or maybe let us know that she’s a dirty little slut and that the kiss is the first step to taking 4 dicks in her ass at the same time, but maybe I am just reading into things.
I was at a food court the other day, because I like watching girls stuff their faces with food and saw a family of 4. There was a mom, dad, daughter and son and shit got a little uncomfortable for me. The 8 year old daughter was sitting on the 10 year old sons lap and was kissing him harder than Shannon Elizabeth is kissing her boyfriend. The brother was rubbing her back like they were a fuckin’ teenage couple playing seven minutes in heaven the and the mom just watched thinking how cute and loving it was. At first I thought it was a little fucking intense and that maybe I was looking into things a little too much like some kind of pervert, so I looked away. When I looked back the girl was rockin her mom harder than her brother while her brother stroked her fucking back.
I wanted to step in and tell her that her horny daughter needed to be sent to therapy because her rubbin’ up on her brother like that is going to lead him to a very weird dark place and that brothers and sisters are supposed to fight not caress each other, but then her lesbian experience with her kid in public made me realize it’s a family thing….
