Whenever I have horrible food poisoning because I eat garbage I find in random places as it is a matter of survival where beggars can’t be choosers, I find myself shitting random things out like blood and my liver while sitting on my toilet for hours, I always imagine that is what Britney Spears’ panties look and smell like, and it makes it all okay.

Here she is in shorts.

Katie Price and her Pineapple shirt are so not the kind of people you’d expect to see in Ed Hardy. You know cheesy as fuck bottle service guidos with retarded fake tits, fake hair, fake everything, tons of make-up, a vagina that has seen many fuckin’ dick like some kind of glorified stripper or whore that all the other strippers or whores look up to in envy, because she’s made it into the mainstream world and is set for life is not Ed Hardy’s market. Ed Hardy is not meant for the cheesy assholes in the clubs tryin’ to look like they have money, it is a premium brand and premium price points that are for premium people with old money, who like classic styles and not offensively loud shit to draw attention to how much they spent on a fuckin’ t-shirt because they have something to prove and see it as status.

I don’t know if that made sense, but if it didn’t, I blame Katie Price’s flat non existant ass, we get that she fucked with nature and jacked her tits up, but lookin at an ass like that on a body that has tits like hers, is so against nature, that it’s on some tranny-level of unnatural shit.

Here are the pics…

They are reporting that Gisele is pregnant, I guess that means we can all expect her on Oprah for being the first official pregnant man, not just some fake ass bootleg transexual frontin’ like it didn’t still has a pussy and just dresses like a dude like the last one.

Yes, talking about Gisele being a man is played out, but according to Tom Brady, so is his asshole from getting fucked up the ass every fuckin’ night by her. It is the football way….

You’d have to be into anal sex with men to rock these shorts, just yesterday I saw some gay dude who was getting down with gay pride walking around in a leather pair of booty shorts and nothing else….you would have liked it…homo

Lindsay Lohan is the kind of girl I’d love to watch jump on a trampoline, whether in clothes, in bikini, or naked. She’s just got it goin’ on like no other and I’m hoping anyone who knows her sends out this request because what would only take her 30 seconds to make, would change my fuckin’ life and being a hurtbag charity case, I’ll even make her a tax receipt for contributing to the cause that is my happiness.

Here she is in shorts and no bra while being all amazing…

Britney Spears may not be sane, but she is in shorts….that’s all I have to say about that…

There’s a rumor that Lohan was wearing an engagement ring, that I assume she got from Samantha Ronson and the whole thing is pretty gay, you know, since they are lesbians, but not as gay as the dude I met in a bar when I was wasted who took a liking to me, who followed me around everywhere I went, who went so far as to jump on my back for a piggyback ride and who asked to spend the night at my house, despite the numerous times I told him I was a married man who didn’t roll like that, who fed me roofies, or something that led me to not remember anything from the night, but he was nice enough to drop me an email yesterday that read “you, me and a tub of butter is heaven” and I found a 50 in my pants, so I am really not sure what that’s all about, but I’m gonna pretend I didn’t let him give me a blowjob because I’m sure I didn’t, that’s not really what I am into but the only thing I am really sure of right now are Lohans hot skinny legs in shorts…

It must suck being in her younger sister’s shadow. Not as pretty, not ass successful, not as well put together, forcing her to spend a life trying to prove herself to her family, and in this case, the world. So she goes out and gets a shitty nose job, thinking that’ll be the remedy to why she has never had work other than being on Hilary Duff’s payroll cuz she’s family, and I almost feel sorry for her, so sorry that I’d finger bang her ugly ass on the dancefloor while her dog watched. Not that that makes sense but I’m just waking up and hurting.

What does make sense is that the dog should be walking her. Or maybe that doesn’t make sense either. At this point nothing makes sense.

Here’s a video of Vanessa Hudgens in shorts. I could hate on her, but I feel like she does enough of that to herself, I mean at least based on the whole dating a gay dude, hoping he’ll straighten out for her, because it’s in a Disney contract and she is in desperate needs of getting her pussy fucked, to the point where these shorts started out as pants eariler in the day, but her sexual frustration lead her to trying to sex them up by making them hug her pussy while giving her easier access to slide a finger or inanimate objects in herself while she goes about her daily errands.

Pam Anderson went on a hike. I guess she’s taking all the sights in while she can, you know before her whore-self follows her vagina’s lead and dies of hepatitis.

Oh Shit, Audrina’s got shorts on and those shorts are real tight and real short and despite not really being hot or anyone I’d ever want to meet, talk to, or hang out with, I’d love to take a bite out of those shits, I mean that is if her pussy saves some for the rest of us, cuz that’s motherfucker is chowin’ the fuck down, it must be hungry.

This girl gets paid millions of dollars to model clothes and to make girls feel insecure about their bodies because they aren’t in the fashion mags and she is.

When I look at her I see a fuckin’ monster and if I was to cross her on the fucking street the last thing I would do is offer her a modeling contract. I’d either cross the street clutching my purse like I just saw a black dude, or I’d hire her to work in my touring carnival freak show that I’ve been trying to get started up, or maybe I’d just ask her to do porn, because porn is non-judgemental and likes all kind of ugly, just as long as it takes loads on its face, or really on any body part.

Vanessa Hudgens was out in shorts. Rumor (willis) is that Zac Effron picked them out for her while he was buying himself ladies underwear because he prefers how they don’t bunch up in his jeans while making him look and feel prettier than ever. You know as a thank you for being such a good cover for his homosexuality.

I uploaded a ton of Elle Macpherson pics last week, I have no idea why, but I do know that I didn’t post them. I guess I was giving a little love back to the girl who introduced the SI Swimsuit edition to my masturbation, not that I get down like that anymore, but it was the 80s and porn access was limited, espectially when you live with psycho Christians who would strip search you everytime you came home, because they thought you were up to no good, and molesters for the sake of Jesus, not that it matters, I don’t need to air out my dirty laundry with you, even though I have a lot of it, but that’s just because my wife is a lazy cunt who doesn’t know how to be a fucking wife, but she does know how to eat a hot dog and not in the good kind of way, but in the obese all you can eat buffet kind of way.

HERE SHE IS RIDING A BIKE…..

BONUS – SOME PICTURES OF HER IN A SEE THROUGH DRESS THAT ISN”T SEE THROUGH AT ALL

Here’s that 1989 SI Shoot – I Fell in Love With…In Hindsight, She’s Got Shoulders Only a Gay Guy Could Love….But I was an immigrant, had lower standards, was hornier and 19.

If you’ve been wondering about what Haylie Duff’s been up to and god fucking knows why you would be wondering anything like that, because she’s just Hilary Duff’s ugly latch-on older sister, who hasn’t done much and if she has even done anything, it’s all been handouts from her successful human lookin’ sister.

I guess the funny thing in all this is that Haylie doesn’t really know her place in the world, it’s like the older sister is supposed to be the one guiding the younger one, that is how nature wanted it to be, and there’s that cloud lurking over her head knowing that she isn’t as pretty, talented, smart as her little sister, and has to be reminded everyday that her parents got it right the second time around, and that she was just batting practice that should have ended up on the abortion clinic floor.

So I hear whenever these thoughts take over, she heads out to the stable to visit the only thing she can really relate to because her family let her down, but her horses are always there to remind her of where she came from.

Vanessa Hudgens was wearing shorts, when fans started throwing Q-Tips at them, only to have one land in her hair. My god. The scandal. This is such a big fucking deal, it’s like the time I took a shit and saw a condom floating in the toilet. I couldn’t figure out if it was something I ate, or something that was left behind after getting a little too carried away with that tranny prositute, or maybe it was just something that was “floating” around in the toilet before I ended up on it. I mean, maybe my condom story is a little worse, because of that whole AIDS thing, and this Q-Tip is some candy-coated Hollywood bullshit, but that doesn’t change the fact that I wouldn’t use a condom with Hudgens, or Effron for that matter. Not because I’m gay, but because he is….