Michelle Trachtenberg went to some Nylon event because she’s got nothing better to do with her time that hang out with a bunch of self-proclaimed fashionistas at their magazine party, but she made the mistake of showing up with Billionaire Lydia Hearst because next to skinny Lydia Hearst, Michelle Trachtenberg looks like some kind of monster. Her enitre body, from face to thick angles looks like she lost a mud wrestling match with elephantism, but I’m not doctor, I could be wrong.

I kinda have a soft spot in my heart for Lydia Hearst. We became facebook friends and she was always nice enough to answer me up until recently. I tried to convince her to buy my site off me because I can’t afford to pay the servers or to license pictures and thought she had lots of excess money from her greatgrandfather’s media empire, but she didn’t bite, so if the site gets shut down, you know who is resposible for it.

BONUS: Lydia Hearst at Some Other Event Showin’ Some Tit

I know that I linked these pictures last night, but since no one clicks on my links, I figured I’d throw them up here because they confuse me. Nicky Hilton’s legs look like they are from Ethiopia and haven’t eaten much more than a couple of malaria ridden flies in the last 6 months or like the have full blown Aids from a blood transfusion they got 15 years ago because they are hemophiliacs or maybe even from an unfortunate one night bareback session with some dude they met at a bath house….but the rest of her looks thick and sloppy.

I am all for eating disorders, because I like my women skinny but I prefer them when they have an entire body affect and don’t just target one body part because it makes bitch look like some kind of cartoon and the last time I fucked a cartoon I thought my dick turned into a multicolor mess with googly eyes, but it turned out it was just the liquid acid someone slipped in my drink and I was actually just fucking a shoe I found on the side of the road. It was pretty embarrassing.

Here are some pictures of Tara Reid dressed like a Golden Academy Award because we’re all allowed to have dreams and if you can’t win one, you might as well be one. She’s at some She’s all socially conscious at some Live Earth event and I’m not talking about knowing where the next big party is or what time she’s meeting her friends for more drinks at the exclusive after-party like the socially conscious party sluts I know, I mean doing good for the environment by promoting the Smart Car for some Live Earth event that she is probably getting paid to do because the only Live Earth Tara Reid knows is a shot she once had at a college Frat party in Mexico during Spring Break that lead to her getting gang banged….

I am a fan of the fake tan, but I am also the kind of guy who only interacts with strippers and considers spending an afternoon in the waiting room of a Tanning Salon a good time because I get to see the cheesy bitches outside of their club elements. I am also a fan of Lionel Richie and all thing trying to emulate him.

To be fair, Tara Reid spends most of her time in the dark, where trying to figure out how much is too much especially when all the girls around you are more orange than you are because having a glowing face igets you noticed, not to mention she was probably wasted when she did her make up, and I know that whenever I am wasted and end up putting on my wife’s make-up to cater to her lesbian fantasies, I always end up lookin like a 300 pound tranny who just got punched in the face by a group of preschool finger painters….

When I look at Tara Reid, I am reminded of myself. Not because I am a skinny little blonde chick with fake tits, but I wish I was, because I’d never stop trying to get into my pants, but because I am an alcoholic and respect people with the same life goals as me, that don’t involve having a respectable career and making money for the luxury life, but taking what you can get and making money to just get fucked up. Now my drinking budget is a lot more pathetic than hers and usually leaves me in the gutter blinded from drinking rubbing alcohol all night, while she’s out touring different cities in the World at the hottest parties but the foundation of what we do is the same and when blinded by rubbing alcohol you’re really in no position to be rockin’ the hottest parties anywhere but inside your heads.

Speaking of hallucinating, I had serious alcohol withdrawal after a few days of binge drinking, it was the first time it had happened to me in years but I’ve been goin’ hard lately because I have bad friends who think it’s funny to get me drunk and destructive and I was raised to never turn down a free shot of anything. So the withdrawal hit was because I didn’t have any money to get more drink in me and because I’m damaged fuckin’ goods and my brain and body can’t deal with alcohol anymore. It basically involved me laying in bed next to my furnace of a wife which is convenient since it’s winter, so she’s good for something, staring at the ceiling shaking and convulsing and having visions of a young slut bouncing on my dick which was alright until I found out she had AIDS.

Speaking of AIDS, Here’s Tara Reid drifting into full blown, if you know what I mean, if you don’t just look at them legs. I guess the party’s gotta stop sometime.

Nothing says I love my sister like shoving my tongue down her throat while drunk at her birthday party, unfortunately the Simpson sisters are good little bible thumpers and despite lesbian incest being common in small towns along the bible belt, it’s still frowned upon when you have more options of people to have babies with. It’s like the fallback plan in a community of 15 to keep the community alive, you know a matter of survival, but it’s much better for the health of the community if someone lures in new blood.

That said, I made a new friend last night. He was walking on the streets at 2 in the morning completely lots. He was in his 50s and he was wearing dirty mix matched clothes, so I figured we’d get along since we have the same stylist. He had his bus pass on a rope around his neck and he didn’t know where the bus stop was. He also didn’t know where he was going and I could tell that through his thick glasses, he was scared. So I decided to help, because I am a hero and I was alone and didn’t mind the company. The dude definitely had some kind of retardation going on. I am not sure if he was just insane, or if he was a full fledged waterhead, or if he was just socially awkward, so I did what every hero does. I got him drunk.

We walked in some local watering hole, and we just drank, off his retard monthly check the government gives him. The conversation wasnt’ too good and every 3 minutes he’d get up to go to the bathroom. I constantly caught him confused and drooling and I was starting to realize that maybe booze didn’t mix well with his meds. He ended up vanishing on me. He got up threw his glass on the ground, broke his chair and stormed off stuttering, jittering and convulsing. I think he was having an episode. I wonder if he got home safely…

Either way, here are some boring pics of the Simpson sisters together, probably congregating to get their stories straight on how Papa Joe molested Jessica and not Ashlee, because she’s the ugly sister who wasn’t good enough for her daddy to get a piece of. I like seeing them together to remind us all that Ashlee is the ugly one, and probably feels a lot like the retard I was with last night, you know low self esteem, never fitting in, always being laughed at, trying so hard to be normal or up to par, but always falling short because asshole can’t find his bus home, even with his bus pass around his neck on a rope like he was 5 years old.

I shoulda married a model. When I look at my wife I always feel like I sold myself short. Then I look at myself in the mirror and realize that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, but if I was to live this life differently, I’d be that dude who bangs models because I think models may not be the hottest bitches out there, but they think they are and that’s makes cumming on their faces way more fun.

Kate Moss is hot, she’s a bit of a wreck, she’s getting older, she has a British Grill, looks a little haggard, she’s spent the last 10 years with lots of money in the bank and little to do with it other than have meaningless relationships, cocaine and going to clubs getting drunk. Models are pretty much retired by 30 and tall skinny party sluts that act a little more glamorous than the whores you see at the bars, because they work in the fashion industry, and the fashion industry is so fucking luxurious….but a party slut is a party slut no matter what and all party sluts take it in the ass this good life isn’t as good as knowing that Kate Moss takes in the ass.

The other good news for me is that it’s never too late to make changes, guys age well and like the drug dealer I saw the other night in his mid-50s with 8 hot model looking girls on his arm, while hustling every girl who walked by him, hot chicks are dumb enough to be bought.

So my goal is to find a way to turn this site into a Perez Hilton type site, end up on TV everywhere and use all that 5 minutes of undeserved fame to bed as many models as I can with my limp useless dick that I will use Viagra to revive, but unfortunately Viagra won’t make it look less like an oversized clit…but who cares, my fame will distract bitches from my big clit/little dick and don’t worry, I know this is all fantasy, the closest thing I’ll ever have to fame is being recognized at the local convenience store.

There was a time when I had a pretty rude gay, black , Jewish blogger working on the site, but he became some kind of drug addict and only delivered a couple posts, so I hunted down Julien to be the next gay to take this site to Perezdom…because it turns out people are fags. Since Julien is a sex addicted drug using freakshow he wrote a pretty intensely gay post…I think he miss understood when I said be bitchy with write about having a dick in your ass like you’re a bitch…anyway this is what he wrote:

This guy was fucking me last night and after he came, he fell asleep, like right after. It was like someone had hit him over the head and he passed out. I mean he was still inside me and he was fucking snoring. In my younger years, I would’ve just pulled him off of me and rolled over and went to sleep, but I’m older and wiser and empowered or some shit. So instead of just lying there I decided to help myself out. I figured I might as well get something out of this night. So I jerked myself off with the guy still lying on top of me. The guy finally woke up after some of my wad shot on his face. He completely flipped out and kept on saying he hadn’t been so insulted in his entire life and blah blah blah. So he got his clothes on and stormed out of the apartment. I don’t understand what the big deal is, I mean it’s just cum, it’s actually good for the skin. It’s better than a facemask. I should sleep with someone like Keira Knightly. I mean, she has such great skin, guys must cum on her face all the time.

Smooch!

Julien

I told him that that was by far too fucking intense for my readers since this isn’t a gay erotic site and the best case scenario some virgin in the mid-west probably got hard to that shit and is now driving around with a baseball bat that he is going to use to kill some local faggot because he thinks it’s the only way to reclaim his manhood…so Julien came back at me with this one….

A few months ago, some famous bitch said that gay men, specifically fashion designers, were to blame for all of the eating disorders and skinny women in the media because they have some unrealistic ideals of what a woman should be. Now if you look at a train wreck like whatever Jenna Jameson is turning herself into, I would agree with her. I mean have you seen her lately? She looks like the fucking creature from the black lagoon. But for every Jenna Jameson, there is a Keira Knightly. I mean this bitch is skinnier than a chopstick but she is fucking hot. If this is what a combination of gay men and eating disorders can accomplish, I have nothing bad to say. Hell, she’s the reason I only eat one meal a day. She’s totally my thinsperation.

So when all those homophobes are saying that gay men should burn in hell and blah blah blah remember, we created Keira Knightly.

Smooch!

Julien

Maybe the gay thing’s not going to work so well, but I am sticking to it…so come back tomorrow for more!

This is another one of Paris Hilton’s guests at her weekend beach party. Her name is Caroline D’Amore, her parents own a pizza restaurant and she is 23 years old. I did my research on her because she looks like she’s fucking 12 and even if that shit turns you on, I don’t want to go to jail for being a child pornographer because I hear they cut you in prison for that shit, and I don’t find that shit too sexy, I am more on the parents against pedophiles side of the argument you boylover.

Reality is that I always loved those teen models who were in their 20s but pretended they were teens to get people like you off. It reminded me of Peter Pan and this girl I used to bang who was 10 years older than me but looked 10 years younger than me. I guess she was the runt of the litter or someshit, and when she was in highschool and looked 7 no one wanted a piece, but when she was 27 and looked 17 the tables fucking turned proper. That’s the problem with over-developed teen girls, they all end up getting fat when the skinny awkward ones fill out the way they’re supposed to.

Either way, I used to look at their sites because I had nothing better to do and the alternative was looking at haggard sluts with their uterus’ hanging out of their cunts so innocent and fresh was more of a fantasy than old and washed up because you always want what you don’t have.

I guess what I am getting at is that when they are 23, they are fair game and when they have their boyfriend’s name tattooed next to their cunt, they are stupid enough to end up with a guy like you, so keep the faith motherfucker…

There was a time when I would post pictures of an obviously anorexic looking girl and say how she’s fat…It would always get a rise out of people. Then that got boring and obvious, so I would write shit about normal looking girls and say how they should stop eating to look a little more like an anorexic lookin’ girls who are so fucking hot.

I guess I was just saying it as jokes but I do like small tits and I do like skinny girls because my wife is fucking disgustingly fat and it’s one of those things where you want what you don’t have, like dudes who date small tittied girls and they go to strip clubs and get lap dances with huge tittied girls, or dudes who date a short girl and go to the strip club to get dances with the tallest bitch in there, or dudes who date waspy girls and get dances from the hot black/spanish/asian girls…it’s just what people do.

It seems like people also like fucking girls who are the opposite of them, that’s why anytime you see an obese chick, her boyfriend is the tallest skinniest motherfucker out there, or the other way around. As a fat man, I know dating a fat chick causes masses problems in the bedroom and I am not just talking about breaking bedframes for being too heavy a load for it, but I am talking about trying to get the dick past the deep ass cheek doors.

Either way, I know I love Kate Moss and find her fucking hot. But this whole Amy Winehouse crystal meth addiction skinny obviously made her feel insecure about her weight so bitch had to do something about it and this is the result. I hate saying it, but she looks kinda disgusting, but at least she’s drinking a beer to make up for how bad her ass, legs and tits look now.