I guess Lily Allen has lost all trust in her womb and has decided to wear outfits designed to deal with the problems it has historically proven to cause her. Sure the miscarriage could have been caused by her smoking and drinking while pregnant but the good news is that shit won’t ruin another pair of perfectly good pants if for whatever reason another miracle decides to leave her and that miracle is that anyone would be willing to stick their dick in this bitch, until you consider the money she’s got, in which case it’s just a good fiscal decision.

Either way, it’s good to see how crafty she deals deals with such a painful situation like she won’t let anything get her down and it reminds me of the time I cut a hole in my pant pocket to have easier access to get myself hard before pulling my dick out for girls on public transit…because it’s not creepy unless it’s a boner. It’s a fact, I did a survey.

I met a doctor at a coffee shop the other day and he told me that 74% of the population contracts HPV at some point in their life and the chances of me not having HPV are pretty much non existent, without even taking my sexual history into consideration, shit’s just a numbers game. If he knew the shit I’ve stuck my dick inside over the years, he’d probably be telling me all the other shit that I could have, but since I didn’t know the guy, I didn’t bother go into it with him.

He also said that it’s really not a big deal for dudes, and that unless you have a major genital wart outbreak, you probably don’t know you have it, and girls are the ones who have to worry because a small percentage get vagina cancer and the cure to vagina cancer is taking out their lady parts making them incapable of having kids then he threw up his hand for a high five, I guess thinking that not being able to knock up a bitch is awesome.

That said, Amanda Bynes probably has HPV and if she doesn’t I know a pretty easy way to make those dreams come true. Come on baby, join the masses, you know no one wants to be the freak slotted into the 26% minority filled with virgins…Getting busy means getting trendy.