Since it’s Thanksgiving, I’d like everyone to take a moment for our troops in Iraq who can’t be home for this really special holiday weekend and are instead fighting for our freedom. Thanks guys! I’m just joking….because Thanksgiving isn’t a real holiday. It’s more of a joke.

I don’t understand why you American assholes make such a big deal out of it. I am in Canada and we got a day off back in October, even though everyday is a day off for me. I don’t understand why you have movies about Thanksgiving weekend or 4 -5 day weekends for the shit, it’s a bigger deal than Christmas and I can only assume that the Jews are behind this shit.

Either way, I would like to give thanks to GQ for always getting hot pics and good photographers hustlin’ their magazine’s celebrity spreads and apparently they hired a magician or some kind of tribal miracle worker because Hayden Panettiere actually looks good enough to stop trying to convince to join my DrunkenStepfather carnival and watch shower instead. I am hoping she doesn’t get the wrong idea and think she actually looks like she does in these pics, even though we can all agree we wish her actual self will turn into her picture-self, because that’s just going to be fuel to the fire that is her ego that already thinks she’s the hottest troll to hit the mainstream.

They also did some sexually suggestive Rihanna pictures, but bitch is always sexually suggestive so it’ not that big of a deal, but I’ll post them anyway, because I’m accommodating like she was before she was famous, back home on the island she comes from, workin’ at resorts and whorin’ out to a lot of rich married Americans hoping that one of them would fall for her talent and give her the big break, and by big break, I mean knock her up, forcing them to marry her and bring her to America, so that she can take 5 day weekends to celebrate thanksgiving too. Because having days off for holidays that shouldn’t be holidays is all part of the American Dream.

I caught my wife cleaning the toilet with my toothbrush the other day, she’s creative like that and probably saw it on some soap opera or shit she watches on tv all day. I was actually really happy to see her cleaning for the first time in the last 5 years together. But then I realized that Paypal has all my money and I can’t buy a new one. I am not sure what I did to piss her off, it may have been coming home with a pair of panties from a girl I convinced to take off her panties in the club and bragging to my wife about how amazing of an experience it was by making her smell them to see that they weren’t clean, but none of that matters. What does matter is that my mouth tastes like I’ve been eating shit and yes, I know what shit tastes like, it’s a long story that I don’t want to relive.

Speakin’ of shit here are some pictures of Shauna Sand at some event dressed as classy as this whore can get with a Chanel bracelet on. She’s the kind of girl you could probably convince to let you shit on them because it would be taking your sex life to the next level, when in reality you just hate her for being such a whore and shitting on her is the only way to make yourself feel better about things.

Either way, the good news is that washed up ex-Playmates may be the only people dressed like this on the daily, but it’s Halloween, so get ready for everyday girls to be doin’ the Shauna Sand, even though they’ve probably never heard of her. All the madness starts in a few hours.