There was a time when this site was a lot less celebrity shit, but no one cared about me harassing girls on myspace and making them famous, or my interviews because they were too long to read, or whatever else I used to do but don’t remember because my memory is fucking shot. I’ve been into straight vodka the last 3 months because my doctor told me that 300 pounds is too heavy and that I will die if I keep gaining my 10 lbs a month and that I need to cut out beer. Now the fun thing about vodka is that shit goes down like water and I can drink about 12 drinks in no time, but once shit hits, it hits me like a ton of fucking bricks all at the same time and I don’t remember conversations I have or stupid shit I do and now that memory loss is working its way into my everyday life. Sometimes I forget to piss when I have to and end up making a little mess that i am too lazy to clean because it always seems to clean itself up on it’s own and I feel like taking my time into something that’s pretty self-sufficient is counter-productive.
Either way, a reader found my stepBOX feature and decided to submit. For those of you who don’t know, I did this shit because girls wouldn’t send me pictures of themselves naked so I’d ask them to draw it. It’s like the Vagina Monologues the picture version and it’s funny to see how people view their genitals. If I was to draw my box and describe it in 10 word or less, it would say “my vagina looks like a penis the size of a clit”. Fuck. That was 11 words. I am not good at this, but then again, I am not good at much, but this girl is because we all like one-finger vaginas more than 2 finger vaginas because they feel better on our clit-sized penises. Cuddles.
I feel bad because I got 2 submissions for this feature and I misplaced the good one and seem to have deleted the email so I am forced giving Dr Pepper a free product plug. I can only assume this fucker works for the company and this is another example of me giving into these marketing people for free because I just assume no one would ever care about reaching out to my readers and by readers I mean you. If I could ever convince a brand like Nike or Coke or American Express to sponsor this feature, I think that would make me a superstar, but until the day that you see stepBOX brought to you by Audi of the Day, I remain not so much of a superstar and by not so much I mean … not at all… Fuckers.
This is the best submission to date, not cuz there is peen in it, but because of the irony of the whole thing. I can’t believe people say my readers are idiots when you guys always impress me like this….
Here is my vagina picture,
This time a picture is attached. (side effect of being a drunken fool I’m afraid)
This is an ambitious “Draw Your Vagina and Describe It In 10 Words or Less” because this person kinda cheated with the paragraph at the bottom…but it made me laugh and reminded me how fucking amazing this feature is. The dude in the picture is Ernest Hemingway so all the writing is appropriate cuz he lived and wrote from a Villa in Cuba. Writing from a Villa in the Islands is pretty much my dream….
If you want to draw your vagina and describe it in 10 words or less, send it my way….by email…
I have no idea who this bitch is, but I can only assume she’s from one of those annoying states where people have the American flag on their car, on their porch and shoved up their cunts. Point of the story is I don’t hate you because you are American. I just won’t take you out for dinner or a movie. I’ve heard that American chicks have the highest rate of herpes infection in the world. I’m talking more bitches in the USA have scabby cunt than in a place like Thailand, Brazil and the continent of Africa. So you may be rockin’ your Valtrex and maybe you haven’t had an outbreak since 4-6 weeks after the night you lost your virginity to that dude you met in the bar in college and maybe you haven’t slept with another dude since that one night stand but you’re still damaged goods. Dirtbag.
I got another vagina drawing sent in to me. I laughed and then got turned on and then cried because all I have to fuck it a fat piece of shit of a person who has orange stained fingers, like a heavy smoker, only bitch hasn’t smoked in 20 years, the stains are from too many cheetos. That’s just who I roll with…..
More on this entry….
All you need to know about me is that my name is Carla and I specialize in awsome.
And that I spell it without the second “e” because I live dangerously by habit.
I want all you motherfuckers to send DJ AM a message on myspace saying “bicycle shorts”. Reader Len did that and got a “???” response, which means he checks his myspace. The fucker’s ignored me the last 2 years, I think it’s time to fuck with him some.
If you don’t get the reference, go back to the DJ TEK post where I called him Gayer than Bicycle Shorts….and if you don’t get the reason I want you to do this, it’s because I don’t like the ego that comes from fucking celebrities..bring this fool down a notch and this is only step one.
Two girls are sitting next to me in the coffee shop I went to because I couldn’t handle listening to my wife complain about who’s fucking who on whatever soap opera she watches. These two girls are obviously the kind of girls who don’t normally fuck dudes. They shop at the gap and they don’t drink caffeine because caffeine is too hardcore. There idea of a good time involves getting together and talking about the last book they read. there is nothing wrong with reading…I have been wanting to read for a long time and just never get around to it, but there is something wrong when reading is the basis of your social life. You all know these kinds of bitches, they are the ones you never paid attention to in highschool, but should have because the years of neglect turned them into sexual deviants. She likes a boy in her computer class and has no idea how to hook up with him. I didn’t realize girls go through the same anxiety as dudes do. If everyone was more open about what they wanted we’d have a lot more teenage pregnancy and STDs but everyone would be a lot more happy.
Speaking of happy….I was happy to get this Draw Your Vagina and Describe it in 10 Words or Less, not because it’s good but because the bitch has blond pubes and I remember getting off to a scene in a Brian De Palma movie where the old bitch in the shower had blond pubes…The name of that movie was Dressed to Kill and the year was 1980, I was 10.
Speaking of Brian De Palma, I saw Black Dahlia and that shit sucked harder that you did at your highschool graduation when you hit in the popular dude’s hotel room and took advantage of him when he was passed out drunk. Homo.
This is my first Draw Your Vadge entry in months. I remember when I came up with this idea. I thought it was going to be huge. But it seems like girls aren’t into drawing or describing their vaginas. It also seems like none of my ideas really work out for me. I always get them at random times and get all excited about them and when I try to implement them I fail. But this one was different, I was sure that whole Vagina Monologue shit would have paved the way for girls to draw their vadge and describe it in 10 words or less.
All this to say that this is probably the best submission to date. This is the kind of shit I would put on a fucking t-shirt. The artist is unknown but talent. This could be an underage box drawing, so keep that in mind when you jerk off tothis art. TO think your teachers all said you weren’t cultured….
I have been buggin’ some girl for pics of her box, because that’s how I keep myself motivated. She never sent it to me, but she did send me this.
Dear Jesus,
Here is my rudimentary drawing of my vagina. It is much more real looking in
person. You will have to keep hoping you can break down my boundaries like a
real drunken step father would. Nobody called me an artist, but I hope you
will enjoy.
I’m not too shabby. We can totally make out.
