Maria Menounos is running and I can only assume it’s because she either realized she had a big fat greek ass or maybe it’s because she gorged on Baklava and this is a guilty run from overeating, but it doesn’t really matter because, like most greek chicks I know she’s got a pretty flat stomach that I don’t mind staring at because I know the minute bitch turns around the tight body goes South and by South I mean she’s packing more meat than the butcher at the grocery store on Independence Day weekend. The thing I’ve always liked about big greek ass is how easy it is to slip my dick in it, like shit’s naturally lubricated with olive oil in some kind of twisted cultural genetic flaw that explains all their historical anal sex with young student stories, but then again I’ve never had a hard time having anal with any girl, my girth is just that pathetic.

So it turns out that when I go out, it’s pretty much the live-action version of this website. I get off on disturbing the peace and shit disturbing. I am not entirely sure the shit I say and do because I am fucking wasted and don’t really keep tabs on it, because I am too busy trying to stand but I do know that at some after party I was at last night, I was asked to leave, and by asked I mean the bouncer grabbed me and escorted me out.

At the time I didn’t realize what I had done to deserve that abuse, and just thought they were racist, and put up a fight but it turns out that I was chasing a girl around the party trying to snap pictures of her, she ended up poking me in the eye and I decided to threaten to beat her up, not because I was actually mad or because I would have gone through with it, I am pretty weak and usually get hurt by girls if it ever leads to a throw down, I just do it to wrestle them and have a legitimate excuse to grab their tits. I just thought it was funny and did it for dramatic effect. I’m poetic like that.

Speaking of dramatic effect, Gemma Atkinson’s got a treasure trail like a dude…It’s kinda confusing me because the contrast of her big tits and her hairy stomach is making me feel like I just walked into the changing room at a drag show, which hasn’t happened yet, but after seeing these pictures, should.