I like going to Starbucks and positioning my shitty lap top so everyone around me can see what I am doing on my computer. Then I look for some seriously fucked up porn clips, pull out a notebook and notes on the shit like I am Siskel and Ebert, before Siskel died.

I usually do it during the day when the only people in the place are old ladies, new mothers and ready to drop knocked up bitches bored on maternity leave. They are my audience, I figure those sluts know this shit better than most, but that’s just because they’re packin the proof with their old age and post-pregnancy weight.

I’ve been kicked out a few times for being inappropriate, but for the most part people just look the other way in disgust and don’t bother complaining. I don’t know why I get a kick out of it, I guess I just like being around people who are of a normal weight and this is the best way to make new friends without actually having to put myself out there and introduce myself. Reality is, that strategy doesn’t work out so well.

Speaking of not working out so well, here are some pictures of Petra Nemcova communing with regular people by taking a taxi like she couldn’t afford her own driver, but is easily impressed because she’s from communism and in communist Russia, getting a ride on your neighbor’s son’s back was considered luxury.