Her name is Blake Lively and she’s the chick on Gossip Girl, a show I’ve never watched but probably should, because ever 18 year old chick is watching it and it’s nice to keep up with what’s going on if you ever want to stick your dick in them

A couple of years ago when the OC first hit, I made a point of watching that shit every thursday night because I used to have a shitty TV and I got it on my one channel. Every time I’d go out to be the creepy old guy at the college party, I’d talk about what happened on the OC and chicks would open up to me and make out with me and all that shit and it was easy fucking research.

I know Gossip Girl is about some NYC socialite rich kid bullshit where everyone is fucking everyone and there’s all kinds of drama on the shit and it’s poisoning every young girl out there and raising the next generation of sluts to love designer clothes more than they already do…..

Here’s a couple episode breakdowns for you to use when out and trying to score young vagina.

Seventeen Candles

Blair is devastated by the current state of her relationship with Nate and the guilt from her recent indiscretion. But she manages to put on a happy face for her 17th birthday party and attempts to hide her feelings from her friends. Hoping to ease the tension between Serena and Vanessa, Dan takes Vanessa to Blair’s party so the girls can bond together, but this ends up making Serena more uncomfortable. Jenny brings her mother home as a surprise visit, but Rufus isn’t ready to forgive and forget. Finally, Nate’s parents ask him to make a huge sacrifice to save his father’s business as he faces charges of embezzlement and fraud.

Victor, Victrola

Serena and Dan finally accept that they are crazy about each other, despite that they come from polar opposite worlds. Chuck thinks of investing in a club trying to make his father Bart Bass proud of him. Nate confronts his father, about the drugs he found in his house but he denies having a problem. Jenny discovers a secret that her parents have been keeping from her. Finally, Blair is devastated by Nate’s actions when Jenny reveals that Nate kissed her by accident thinking she was Serena.

The Handmaiden’s Tale

Dan is torn between two girls when his childhood friend, Vanessa, returns home and declares her feelings for him, just as he and Serena are trying to figure out what they mean to each other. At the infamous masked ball, Blair sends Nate on a scavenger hunt, but Nate is ultimately still distracted by his feelings for Serena. Although Blair makes it perfectly clear that outsiders are not welcome, a disguised Jenny and Dan sneak into the ball. Finally, Lily asks Rufus to accompany her to an Eleanor Waldorf event in order to make Bart Bass jealous

That’s enough of that….This Blake Lively chick is the new Mischa Barton on the new OC and she plays the girl Serena and she’s in her school uniform and you like that. Now use this knowledge when you’re standing outside your local private schools looking for love and send me pics of the outcome….

My stepdaughter and her celebrity obsessed friends who think they are socialites went to the Hilary Duff concert here in Montreal. I don’t really understand why, because Hilary is a piece of shit performer, but worth a round cuz she’s young and has money, but I don’t think they were thinkin’ that when they went. They were too busy trying to touch her sweater, and by sweater I mean article of clothing, not her cooter.

The last time I flew, I was stuck on a plane that played her movie about bloggin’, it really hit close to home, not cuz I have a blog but because I had to move around a lot as a child.

Here are the 2 useless pics they brought back to me. I clearly asked for an autograph made out to “jesus martinez, my drunkenstepfather, love Hilary”, that reminds me, if any of you fuckers know famous ppl get autographs for me. I am going to start a celeb autograph section on the site, but considering I never leave the house, you are going to have to help me.