I had to go to the vagina doctor with my wife. I didn’t really understand why, because she needs more of an exterminator than a doctor for that shit, you know it’s like it’s been left to fend for itself for too long that the fucking thing is no longer a medical issue and more one of pest control, but being the nice guy that I am, I went with her.

The radio was on in the waiting room and I was forced to listen to an hour of Christmas songs. From Bing Crosby, Elvis, Perry Como and it even went into some of the newer shit, that came a solid month too early for my cold dead heart, so I asked the bitch at the desk to put on something a little less annoying and offensive and she told me to sit down and turned up the fucking volume. I was a little surprised that such a big cunt worked at a vagina doctor, but I guess it was fitting.

Speaking of fitting, it looks like Claudia Schiffer’s teeth are trying to escape that clown mouth of hers, she probably regrets leaving David Copperfield back in her prime, when she didn’t need his services, because motherfucker could have sorted that shit out for her, I mean he did walk through the great wall of China and he did make the Statue of Liberty disappear, meaning he has what it takes to make her beauty not disappear, but I guess she’ll just have to go to a plastic surgeon like the rest of the supermodels who aren’t super anymore, but who want to be super, because it is all their know, and their whole contribution to the world and self-worth is based on their beauty, and now that it’s gone, they’re left not knowing what to do with themselves….and in Claudia Schiffer’s case, that personal conflict has made her forget her teeth bleaching treatment while trying to figure out her next step..

The good news is that if she chooses to not go through with the surgery, she can always take this look to the local hospital to Patch Adams that shit for sick kids, I hear it’s rewarding.

On a side note, part of me has died today….

Audrina was out in a bathing suit with her sister’s teeth recently and I really have nothing to say about this family, other than that something really went wrong. I am thinking that they may have lived by power lines, or maybe there was lead in the water or asbestos in the walls or maybe their mom was an addict, but whatever the fuck happened it made both of them retards. I am pretty tired of ugly skinny chicks with fake tits getting way more love than they deserve because America is filled with fat chicks, so by comarisson they are hot, because when I look at Audrina, I don’t see anything attractive, but I do see something that should probably be wearing a bike helmet while standing on the street corner with a sign begging for change to feed her cat.

It is up to you to make these people from The Hills go away. All you have to do is stop watching the fucking show. I think now is a good time to start.

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