This bitch is ALWAYS wearing these fucking pants. We get it, you’re a mom, you like to jog despite how sloppy your body looks, and you want us to always think you’re headed to the fucking gym, but seriously, I need some fucking variety in my life, it’s like everyday I see her in these goddamn black leggings and shit fucking annoys me, but I guess the real issue is why I even notice or care what Reese Witherspoon is wearing, its not like I’ve ever wanted to masturbate to her, or even liked her or thought she deserved an Academy Award….serioulsy, there is absolutely no reason for this post…I’ll stop now, but before I do, I will post one of her nude scenes to warrant Today being such a shitty day for celebrity smut.
I thought it was funny when Karolina Kurkova was too fat for a Victoria’s Secret fashion show and they pretty much threatened her to shape the fuck up on TV for the world to see as they struggled to fit her into an outfit. I didn’t find it as funny when she came out with some bullshit excuse like that it was caused by a thyroid disorder like she was the lazy fat lady who lives across the street from me or Precious who blames genetics on her obesity instead of the box of donuts she eats everyday….but I guess it’s not that funny anymore…because that was two years ago and she’s not as fat anymore, even 4 months post pregnancy, making this post totally fucking useless, like most of the posts I write, which is just something I’ve learned to accept about myself …..
Lisa Rinna was out wearing some tight pants the other day and you shouldn’t really care because you saw her naked plastic ass photoshopped in Playboy this past year and they may have strategically blocked out her pussy lips so that we’ll never know if they are as big, swollen and red as the lips on her face are, but in the event you want to get off to her because you are weird, you can always do a google search so that you’re not stuck jerking off to bullshit pictures like this and that’s all I have to say about this nobody…who is more of a somebody than me…otherwise I wouldn’t be talking about her…but I would be talking about me….which I guess I kind of am….how annoying of me.
Here are some pictures of Kate Hudson’s hangin’ pussy in tight pants you’d expect to contain the shit a little better, making me think her naked pussy is some kind of seriously scary. Maybe it is thanks to her having a kid at a young age and shit not really ever bouncing back because she was young and her body wasn’t ready to go thru that kind of abuse, or maybe it’s got more to do with her being a serious fucking whore who fucks everything with a dick, especially if its got a girlfriend or wife to start, leading me to believe that no only is the pussy big, but its also diseased, but I’ve got no proof of that, it’s all speculation….
Here are some pictures of Denise Richards in a pair of tight pants riding a bike, because despite being annoying as fuck she’s still hot enough for her Nephew to jerk off to her , so that’s gotta say something about her, even though when I was 14, I was jerking off to my foster mother’s dirty underwear that I’d steal from the laundry basket, National Geographic and my neighbor suntanning in her backyard. It was a time before porn was accessible and it was really the only way to get rid of the chronic erections I had. I guess none of this matters, but you should tryto sort out Denise Richard’s vagina definition from these pics, is like some kind of puzzle and I heard puzzles are good for expanding your brain, something you need.
I saw that Sarah Marshall shit and I use the term shit loosely because I can’t thing of something more representative of what I experienced for that hour and a half at cheap movie night. Instead of watching the equivalent of watching AIDS fester in the blood stream of a poor unsuspecting 5 year old who just got molested by her AIDS positive uncle on screen and set in Hawaii, I used the opportunity of having the time away from my wife to fantasize about the group of college girls sitting in front of me who thought they were coming to a good movie. I ran different scenarios through my head of what they would do to each other provided they just let down that front and accepted that all girls are dykes. I was trying to think of how they go to yoga class in yoga pants together and when they get home the more liberal one of the group who is more open about fucking her roommates decides to show off her moves like it ain’t a thing only she does it after getting out of the shower while wearing nothing but a towel, leading to the others to get naked in some sort of yoga experimental 20 something all girl orgy that I am watching from a tree outside their dorm room window.
The reason I hated this shit movie was because it was a fucking mess that didn’t make me laugh. I admit I am a joke snob and I never laugh because I don’t believe in it, but I think objectively it was not funny for anyone in the theatre except for the drunk guy who was trying to get his money’s worth, but based on his twitching, I think he could have been laughing at the voices in his head.
The writer was the main character who milked the fact that he sold a script and decided now was his chance to make himself famous in some ego-project that he casted himself for but should have never been cast for at all because the movie should have never been made. To make things worse the dude, who was ridiculously weird looking wrote in scenes of him showing his dick as many times as possible and I think it all stems back from the constant encouragement of his mother.
Either way, Kristen Bell wasn’t hot or interesting in it and compared to Mila Kunis was more on par with the ridiculously fat Hawaiian dude who worked on the resort but to be fair to Kristen Bell, here are pictures of her ass and I guess when she’s standing alone she’s worth a round.
I know that these Lohan smoking on the street looking like a whore with a fat ass pictures have already been circulating but I am not committed to being first at anything. I have accepted my position as the most irrelevant website on the internet just as Lohan has accepted that she will be left working as a common whore, unfortunately we’re not there yet and this rehab shit is working against us, but I still have hope that cocaine is her gateway drug that will open her up to other drugs like crack, because crack only takes you one place and it’s a good one…for people like us who always wanted to bang her.
I got this email today from someone who feels the same way about me as I do….
You say “fuck” about every 3 words, as though it’s somehow funny or creative.
(It’s not — and you’re not.)
I probably would have thought you were slightly funny when I was, like, 4.
Grow the fuck up, goober.
(Don’t bother responding — you’re blocked, and this e-mail address doesn’t accept responses. If you think that’s lame — fuck you: your godaddy registration is anonymous.)
Here are those Lohan looking like a whore pictures:
