I like this Mila Kunis slut who isn’t really a slut considering she’s been slamming the same dude for many years, but who I can assume is a slut by association because Culkin doesn’t do much and looks like he’s into coke-raged experimental shit in the bedroom because guys with money who don’t do much tend to fuck a lot, and since my only reference point for Culkin today is that movie Party Monster where he plays a weird homo club promoter murderer named Michael Alig, a movie that influenced all these loser hipsters to bring back stupid costumes to the dance floors. My other reference point for Culkin was a 10 year old boy who spent a lot of time with Michael Jackson and since everyone assumes MJ is some child rapist and 80% of the gay dudes I know were victims of molestation by older men when they were kids, it would only make sense that Culkin revisits men every once in a while when he’s in the mood to feel young again making Kunis at risk for HIV like all girls who date bisexuals.

The truth is that I am convinced Michael Jackson doesn’t molest kids, I am convinced he’s had his penis amputated to keep his high pitch singing and that lack of testosterone means no sex drive and his love for Peter Pan is something he can only share with young kids and we all like to relate to someone sometimes…..

Either way, Kunis was on TRL and I want to bang her.