Lohan’s birthday party wasn’t hosted by me, like it probably should have been, I mean if she wanted shit to be a little less cheesy and a lot more homeless, but I guess when you do it in Vegas, cheesy is totally what you’re into, and when you’re Lohan, so is drugs and other girl’s vaginas, I mean not that I know that for a fact, because she’s playing to cool to answer my fuckin’ emails that I’ve been sending her the last 2 weeks and shit is breaking my fuckin’ heart, but not as much as seeing her in this bikini that looks like it can’t give me a boner, even if i was railing lines of Viagra all fuckin’ day….maybe it’s got somehting to the swollen vagina in her bikini bottoms that looks like it is throbbing, pulsating, convulsing, and ready to attack, suffocate and murder a motherfucker that it crosses paths with….

Here she is a little covered up….

Here’s a thick fuckin’ Brooke Hogan and her big fake tits doing a stripper pole dance, because I guess it’s a cheap, trashy way to get viewers, unfortunately, she is the kind of stripper you’d expect to see working the stripclub, but the one you don’t really expect to get much work, I mean except from the gay guys who are only there hoping to get a boner and naturally drawn to the girls with cock. Either way, it is a family affair as Brooke’s mom hustles the pole too, like a pro cuz that’s where it all started for her, before she met a super star wrestler. The whole thing is better than a kick in the face, but not really where I need it to be, without vagina flashes, I just can’t be won over, there’s a close call but when whoever it is says their uterus got a work out, I gave up.

You may remember Taryn Manning, she’s the haggard lookin’ whore from the movie 8 Mile. She’s also got some lesbian rock band with her brother, a clothing line and is into other shit like getting high, drunk and having sex with random men as long as they tell her she’s the prettiest girl in the world. I don’t know about the last part, but she’s definitely got a pretty hard fucking face that reminds me of street whores who are down on their luck, have daddy issues, and who beg me to tell them they are pretty before sticking it in them, so I’m posting it as fact.

I know people who find her hot, I always found her vile and I have even taken our friendship to facebook, where she was a cunt to me. so I can’t stand her.

Speaking of facebook, I just added some random girl who wrote “do we know each other” or something along the lines of “why the fuck are you randomly adding me you fucking creepy motherfucker” but the nicer version.

This is what I wrote back, but suggest you don’t, if you want to make the friend. We call this being a social chainsaw….

Not officially. I mean I jerk off to your profile picture everyday and I figured I’d add you and see what else you have to offer.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Here are some pictures of a dirty little irrelevant whore…who I am sure you’d fuck but spend the next 6-8 weeks lookin’ at your dick pretty fucking closely to make sure nothin’ pops up. Word.

Hilary Duff has a weird fucking stance in her swagger, I think it’s gotta do with getting gang raped by her boyfriend’s hockey team to keep them motivated, or maybe he’s just shoved the Hockey stick a little too deep, you know how these initiations go, and I hear she really wants to be accepted by him and the team. It is a brotherhood, or some shit I don’t quite understand, because I don’t believe in sports or athleticism, I’m more into hard drinking and sitting long enough to develop fucking hemorrhoids that have been fucking hell the past week, I wrote that one for the ladies….I have a feeling it’s not going to swoon them as I had intended it to….

Aubrey O’Day without tits busting out of her shirt is an Aubrey O’Day I’ve got zero fucking interest in. If you’re going to fucking invest in fake tits live it fucking up. Exploit the shit. Your fan base only exists because of those things and you have no business wearing anything that covers it up. The fact is that she’s not even that hot, so she might as well milk what she does have and play with our hearts like this. I really don’t give a fuck so I’m gonna post this as is and go back to self destructive behavior. Internet has been just as boring as this post today, so don’t blame me, blame the internet…

Here’s the Video…I can’t believe the crowd this bitch draws….

Lindsay Lohan was out in Hawaii in her bathing suit bottoms and that’s so crazy you know since it’s tropical weather, there’s an ocean and she spent the entire day at the fuckin’ beach.

If you want to give me a story, have her walking around New York totally naked feeding the fucking pigeons while directing traffic or some shit, don’t give me a girl on vacation in bikini bottoms lookin’ awesome….that’s all I have to say about that….

I do have something to say about being pantsless and that is that a couple years ago I threw a pantsless party and invited everyone I know, unfortunately, I was drunk at the time and neglected the fact that everyone I know are pretty much homeless dudes, so they all came over empty handed with no pants on, smelling of piss and shit, one guy wasn’t wearing underwear and the whole thing totally backfired. The concept was to get some girls running around in panties, but again, I failed on delivery…..

Today’s been a series of repetition….

I have been trying to reach out to Lohan’s people to get her to start doing product placements for my site, you know since she is always being shot by the paparazzi and on the news, she should start selling ad space on herself. You know 1,000,000 dollars for a week on her forehead, 2,000,000 for her cleavage and 50 cents for her pussy, because that’s what it’s worth on the street. But she never answered me, she was too busy wearing this see through shirt a money making opportunity she fucked up.

Chris Brown really fucked this one up. He’s gone to the trouble of beating his bitch in public, so that people know who the motherfuckin boss is, when every wife beater knows, you keep that shit behind closed doors so bitch can’t run off and get the cops and the law get involved right after it happens, you know you need to give them a little time to sort it out and realize that had it comin’ to them, and not left alone with their emotions to have knee-jerk reactions, and now motherfucker is fucked and forced to let her out of the house and out on the town in NYC, when we all know a battered wife is meant to be locked in the motherfuckin’ basement or chained to the fuckin’ bed and kept on a short fucking leash. The judicial system’s makin’ him soft.

Point of the story is that she’s a fucking idiot and I have no respect for her for running back to him, cuz she has no self respect, and normally no self respect turns me on, but in this case, it just leads me to think murder suicide next time they have a fight and it’s really unnecessary, we all realized Chris Brown was a fool long time ago, unfortunately, Rihanna hasn’t.

Someone sent in this exlusive video of one of my favorite Pornstars, Bree Olson, sitting on the toilet before the AVN awards. I am not sure if she’s actually taking a shit, because there is no toilet bowl shot, which is really too bad, since scat is the new anal, but none of that matters, what does matter is how excited the photographer gets when she bends the fuck over and shows off her boy short underwear. A little lazy for a pornstar but refreshing because I hate the standard G-string shit they normally wear becuase shit gives me yeast infections…but then again so does wiping back to front, antibiotics and fuckin’ dirty dick….yeah – I don’t know either…I’m just an idiot…

Updating the site’s taking me longer than I thought it would. You know, struggling between writing about some useless celebrity getting her nails done, or another useless celebrity walking outside shopping. Sometimes I wonder what went wrong in my life that lead to this, then I realize that before the site I wasn’t doing anything anymore interesting…so I guess I’ll keep it up.

Here’s some shit going on in the stepFORUM, while I gather my thoughts and channel this hangover into something I think is funny and no one else will bother reading. Good times.

I am a hypocrite. I am inconsistent. I am full of shit. I’ve been making fun of Lily Allen the last 2 years for no reason other than it being easy because she’s foreign.

I’ve acted passionate about having this hatred for her that I never really had, truthfully, like all things in my life, I was pretty indifferent, but if you read my shit about her abortion/miscarriage and the other evil jokes I made about her, you’d think I had a picture of her on my living room floor that I’d shit on daily until the smell got too bad that I’d be forced to hunt her down, kidnap her, and make her clean it up with her mouth.

But I was never phased by her, so today when I saw these pictures of her showing off her stomach as if to say to the radio host that that is where the baby lived before it fell out of her (got sucked out of her) and these are where she’s been letting her pet ferret suckle because she has the urge to feed something and since the baby is no more, shit’s gone sour, like the Milk in my broken fridge that I drank anyway, so I can relate.

Maybe our connection is obesity and a love for food and drink, maybe there is no connection, maybe I do hate her but just got tricked by a clever interview I saw with her, maybe I like making fun of her, because I really just want to be her friend, at least for today today, but I do know that unlike everyone else, she writes her own music, is successful with her own music, and you can’t hate someone who’s successful for doin’ their own thing, their own way and who clearly doesn’t take herself too seriously and can laugh and enjoy the ride, which is al lot more than you can say for these American celebrity cunts out there. I’m talking to you LOHAN and friends, not that Lohan has friends, but you know what I mean.

I saw this video of two of the whitest motherfuckers fighting it out and getting arrested at USC or some other university. Watch out for the clown with his gay gangster bandanas in his back pocket, after he gives you a pussy head but, I hear he is a master of devil sticks. There’s nothing like seeing a dude in North Face his mom bought him for the cold winter weather on Campus getting his hair pulled after an intense argument about economic policies, or which New York Times article they liked the best, or maybe even over some Noam Chomsky or whatever the fuck that dude who all college kids get hard for because they think it makes them more refined is named, that started in the classroom and ended up on the motherfucking street. Pussies.

I am surprised they aren’t wiping their eyes for tears after being so overwhelmed with emotion, you know with fear of daddy cutting off the allowance when they hear about the incident and try to sweep it under the rug so it doesn’t get back to their suburban golf buddies cuz that may be embarrassing.

White bread honky motherfuckers.

If you want to seduce a girl, don’t tell her you just got a strap-on and that you will keep your clothes on while she pretends you are someone else. Don’t tell her that her pussy smells like a bouquet, a bouquet of dead fish you found in the trash outside the fish store, do not tell her that you want to wear her vagina skin as a skull cap and don’t tell her that you want to see her womb from the inside out. These are mistakes I made today, trust me I’ve done worse, but today these lead me to getting no nude pictures, which is pretty much nothing new, no matter how hard I try, because girls don’t trust me, but I had other things to tell you and in drinking this 6 pack getting ready to hit the bars, I totally forgot them, so I’ll just leave you with that for now…

Now, Here are my links….see you soon, don’t wait up, I miss you already, come back, hold me. Bye.

You probably all know this Bethany Hamilton chick, she was a pro surfer who got eaten by a shark when she was 14 and just getting into the pro scene. She ended up losing an arm, making double handjobs pretty impossible, but she kept at surfing and is an inspiration to us all that no matter what is thrown in our path, we have to overcome, but more importantly to the lazy amputees you see around who feel sorry for themselves and smoke pot all day while jacked on prescription pills because they can’t feel things for themselves anymore since they have no limbs.

I am posting these because she’s posing with ass and not because I’m into rubbing my dick up on stumps like that weird guy I wrote about a few weeks ago, not that I am disgusted by her condition at all, but I just don’t think it makes her hotter than if she had a couple arms. Ya know.

Christina Milian, a back-up dancer turned popstar a bunch of years ago is not letting the fact that no major label wants anything to do with her, and embracing her shitty contract with Myspace music, by actually going through with a new album and producing some videos for her new song, where she’s definitely not covered in mud and slutty like she was last time around, but still showcasing the little slut she’s hiding in her metallic bathing suit in a more refined and mature way. Sure it sucks, but I’d still fuck her and since shit’s been emailed to me 15 times by the PR people behind the shit, I figured I might as well post it as a plea to get her more naked because she isn’t completely washed up and ready to either pack things in a move far away to start a family, or in an ideal world, reject the rejection from the public and turn to porn to make sure people keep talking about her, so this is the best Milian action we’ve got to work with right now and it is better than nothing…

Bonus- Here’s the Behind the Scenes Video….

Us Against The World – Music Video Shoot