Nothing screams “I am tired of all this working out bullshit to maintain any level of sex appeal and I never want a man to think about fucking me again” than pregnancy. Not only does it ruin bodies on all levels and by all levels I pretty much mean the vagina because that’s the only part I care about, but it’s also the first symptom of the longest lasting STD a person has to deal with, unless you’re smart enough to abort the shit before it’s too late or raise it badly enough that it either gets taken away from you by the government or dies, because after the baby daddy has moved onto younger and fresher girls, you’ll just be some busted up chick with baggage that only virgins or substantially older men want to deal with.

I guess it also screams “I let dudes cum inside me because I’m a slut who doesn’t take her pill properly because I have this deep rooted maternal instinct that needs to be satisfied. I am convinced that the gays have it right when they look at pregnancy as something disgusting because it is everything their lifestyle is against, because the thought of a human growing inside another human is pretty fucking creepy.

I have enough issues falling asleep after a night of hard drinking and binge eating because I feel like something bad is growing inside me and I am usually right, because I end up with a toilet filled with a bloody mess, but that usually only lasts about 2 days and not 9 months and the only real damage it’s done for me is destroy my liver and lead me to a life of obesity that makes walking up stairs a fucking challenge.

That said, here’s some chick named Valeria Mazza pregnant and in a bikini. You may know her as some Argentina supermodel from Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, but you might as well flush that memory away, because those days are long gone for her.