I spent Saturday drinking all day, because that’s what I like to do everyday. I figure if I am not drunk by 5 pm, I’ve failed, since it’s the only thing I am good at, according to me, according to everyone else, I’m some kind of evil drunk who takes down everything in my path, but since I black out and never seem to get arrested I figure I’m no real threat, unless I haven’t been caught for shit I’ve done and don’t know I’ve done, which is really the whole point of drinking because last time I checked I drink to forget and not to remember.

Either way, I heard that superstar Tila Tequila was going to be at some chachi club that I can’t fucking stand and decided since I was drunk that it would be funny to try to get in wearing my jogging pants and mustard stained T-shirt. I got to the door and couldn’t get through the crown of Ed Hardy shirt, tight jean wearing immigrants so I called a friend who I knew would be at the event because he has a crush on Tila.

Either way, he ended up getting me on the guest list and let inside, but that didn’t stop the harassment, every chick in the place looked at me with disgust and cleared a 5 foot circle around me like this was some kind of dance off while everyone else in the club was crammed together. I approached the area they had sectioned off for Tila Tequila and her friends and got this video of her doin’ a little dance. It’s a far cry from a sex tape but there’s only so much I can pull off with a limp dick, no social skills, a bodyguard tying to keep me away from her and a mustard stained shirt. Enjoy.

BONUS - Here are some Bikini Pictures from Some Photoshoot of Her Being All Active and Shit…