I was at an afterparty for the MMVA’s that Lady Gaga and Perez Hilton rolled into around 2 in the morning. I decided to try to get free booze out of them, but their security was too tight. At one point I got Perez Hilton’s attention for about 10 seconds when he wasn’t getting his face humped by some groupie dude who was hangin off the rafters, but he didn’t invite me up. Then Gaga made her way to the front where I was standing, I asked her for a drink and she looked at me like I was a dick for not trying to get her autograph or something, and didn’t let me up, so I reached around security and grabbed her ass hard, which isn’t even that bad of an ass, sure it’s fat and the legs are stalky, but next to that face of hers, shit’s heaven.

Around 10 minutes later, Will.I.Am rolled through, and I was pretty much right next to him, I think we may have been holding hands, cuz as he was holding Perez by the gay jacket with one hand, and Perez squirmed, I told him that if he wanted Perez hurt, I’d get it done for him, since he’s a big star and doesn’t need that kind of press, but I do need the publicity.

Within 2 minutes, Perez Hilton stormed out of the place and Will.I.Am followed. Unfortunately, my camera was stolen last night, but it was fuckin’ funny to see Perez eat his words and squirm, especially considering the motherfucker is as big as his head.

I hit his Twitter page and his she is all about how he is bleeding and called the cops, he’s just a pansy and definitely deserved it, making Will.I.Am the star of the fuckin day. I have no idea why or how i was holding hands with him, but I’m glad I was cuz this shit was soooo funny.

This is some Big Brother in the UK, 40 year old, piece of trash named Lisa Appleton, and as you’d expect, she’s keeping it classy while getting a wedgie from some guy, who may or may not be her boyfriend, who was also on Big Brother with her.

I found this little blurb on her that I felt the need to share…

she believes in reincarnation, life after death, clairvoyants, ghosts, spirit guides, and universal dynamics. Lisa met Mario three years ago when she bought a crystal ball from him on ebay and met up with him to collect it. She says the most significant event in her life was when Mario pawned his Rolex to buy her a boob job.

So keep selling your garbage on ebay motherfuckers, it turns out you can find love on the shit and even take that love to reality TV stardom, if you play your cards right.

On a side note, UK reality star Jade Goody died and the lesson we can learn from her exploiting herself and selling her life to the media, is that if you are a girl, get screened for HPV and use condoms, because people out there are fucking pigs, they live in this life of excess, self destructiong, filth and transmit their dirty little secrets to unsuspecting young girls who think they are in love, or that this guy is different because they are too insecure, drunk, stupid, caught up in the moment, self destructive, and unable to really grasp the consequences of their actions to stay safe, and next thing you know, they’re dead at 27. It’s sad, unnecessary, so be fuckin’ smart with your pussies, unless of course it is with me, in which case we cross our fingers and hope for the best, cuz condoms are for pussies, but with everyone else, buckle the fuck up.

I like skinny chicks and I know that pisses off fat chicks, but it’s just the way it is. My theory is that I am fat enough for the two of us or maybe even fat enough for four of us and what it really comes down to is that the thought of two fat people banging disgusts me. I have been with fat girls and my vaginal penis just couldn’t make it’s way into all the right places, our stomachs or her fat ass kept getting in the fucking way, so god knows why the fuck I married a fat chick, because I hate them so fuckin’ much, but I guess I was lonely and found it comforting to have someone pay my rent for me.

Now here is the sequel to yesterday’s Gisele bikini pictures, where we get a solid look at her small, tight ass, and it may not make black people or white people who pretend to be black people excited, it works for me because bitch is skinny and that’s kinda my thing and as a follow up to yesterday’s question about whether she had a dick or not, it looks like she’s got some vagina definition, so either she’s legit or she’s just good at tucking things in and taping them down.

I told a girl over the internet that I loved her and wanted her to get me pregnant so that I could get her abortion. She never answered me back and it broke my heart that such genius statements get overlooked by people. It makes it hard to get to the top when people just discount that shit, without actually considering the poetic beauty of the shit I say, but I guess it doesn’t really matter. What does matter is that Katherine Heigl is picking her wedgie or scratching her badly wiped ass because it’s starting to burn, itch and make her feel uncomfortable.

When I was growing up, I knew a girl who constantly scratched her snatch. I never really understood, because we were in High School, but every change bitch got she’d be going at her crotch like shit was on fire and she had to put it out. She wasn’t very popular with the other boys, but I was committed to finding the source of the problem, I am a humanitarian like that. One night after drinking a bit too much, I started giving her attention she never got before and getting her pants off was about as challenging as taking off my own pants, I almost regretted it when I saw her greenish/yellow stained panties and smelled death, but then I came and forgot about it and decided to keep her around for the next couple of years.

I guess Britney’s so desensitized to the paparazzi that she don’t mind flashing them her panties or nipples, because they have pretty much raped her life the last few years and she’s in a position of no privacy. I guess it could also be because she’s medicated, attention craving, or just a trashy bitch that doesn’t know how to keep her vagina in her dirty pants, but I like to think it’s the same reason why you’ve made the move to tranny porn. Sure you were always into chicks but you watched so much normal porn that shit just doesn’t do it for you and seeing a tranny getting her titties sucked just gets you going. I could be wrong, it does happen you know, probably a lot more than me being right, but I’ll never admit that to anyone cuz that would show weakness.

Here are those Britney Upskirt and Nipple pics: