Here’s some glam rock weirdness that makes no fuckin’ sense to me. I figured it’d be a good way to start the day because let’s face it we all need an anthem to start our day off and today this is mine, not because I like the song or the video but because it celebrates dairy and there’s nothing more important to me than milk. It is jacked with hormones that force girls to go through puberty years before they are supposed and is part of the reason 16 year old girls everywhere have big titties. Thanks Milk….Now, watch the video.

I always thought Bai Ling was a clown. She pretty much has no career other than attending events to expose her massive nipples and maybe being in Playboy and a few shitty movies, but now I am happy to see her going back to what she was always destined to be while wearing the stupidest outfit I have probably ever seen. I was wondering whether she showed up to the event in a Volkswagen Bug with 15 of her clown friends and stepped out juggling and doing cartwheels, I guess I will never know since I don’t get invited to all the high profile shit she gets invited to like Jaime Pressly’s Spring/Summer 2008 J’aime Collection…right…

I remember I worked as a clown for about a week. It was one of those things that happens when you have no money and want to get fucked up and decide to randomly apply for jobs to see what comes from it. They expected me to attend events at the mall and birthday parties and other low quality events people hire shitty clowns to attend. I only made it out to one job after the week of training on how to make animals out of balloons in some warehouse, they had an open bar set up and I naturally assumed that those were the benefits of the job since they weren’t offering health insurance and were only paying 10 dollars an hour. I ended up wasted within 20 minutes, grabbing the kids mom’s ass within 30 minutes and throwing up on a kid within the hour. I was fired and never got paid because of damages, but it made for a good sunday afternoon. It is the day of Jesus after all.

I know seeing a girl who hasn’t got a spray tan or a fake tan or shitty orange skin to match her cheesy 2-tone platinum hair and fake tits is refreshing but I seriously don’t understand why Dita Von Teese has a career.

I know Halloween is a favorite holiday and a great excuse for chicks to dress like whores and party harder than they usually do because they let down all their inhibitions and can pretend that they are whatever they want to be and I get that some people like it so much that they want Halloween to be everyday because sometimes being yourself is scary.

I also know that there’s a whole movement of death obsessed gothic freaks that dress like they are from the 18th century, powder their skin white, only use candles to light their homes, sacrifice animals in their basement while working up to some kind of school shooting after fucking their fat goth girlfriend that always ends in drinking each other’s blood while dressed like Edward Scissor Hands.

But reality is, it’s not hot, Goth is designed for ugly people with no friends to find each other on the internet and build their own goth community of ugly people with no friends. It’s scary and makes me feel uncomfortable and whenever I see a goth or a bitch that looks like Dita Von Teese I wait for them to bust out some kind of Mime routine because they are already in costume and I am all about throwin some quarters at street performers, because I like to give back to the community and I like the way they bounce off their heads and they run after them like that quarter is made of gold, but unfortunately goth’s take themselves so fucking seriously and miming, as gay as it is, makes people smile, and smiling is a sign of happiness and happiness is their devil.

Here’s Dita Von Teese showin’ us how original she is in black and white….