I didn’t expect the pictures of Tori Spelling in a bikini to be all that hot, I mean she is a Jewish girl afterall, and Jewish girls tend to have wonky heads, probably because of generations of inbreeding, unfortunately for Tori, she’s also got pretty wonky fuckin’ tits, probably because of a early 90s boob job her dad got her for her 16th birthday because she was born and raised in LA the pressure of being beautiful that was put on her by her trashy, superficial mother, when she wasn’t too busy drunk, medicated or fuckin the pool boy, made her feel like it was the only way, to counter balance her weird Jew face they couldn’t do much about, since face transplants weren’t technologically developed at the time, but the good news is that she’s rich. The other good news is that she’s not fat. So at least she’s got something goin’ for her….

Since seeing these pictures of Katie Price in a bikini in Ibiza, I’ve decided that I want to move in on her and be her new husband who doesn’t fuck her, not because I wouldn’t want to fuck her dirty AIDS pussy, you know I’m talkin’ straight from an African village pussy, but I figure she won’t want to fuck me, you know, since I’m disgusting, even though I’m quite charming in the way I write on the internet, I know this will be the kind of push I need to get the media coverage I really deserve and need to pump into my site. That’s why, I’ve spent the last 24 hours, dancing on my table while throwing napkins and poppin’/pumpin bottles over my head in a bootleg Ed Hardy shirt while listening to David Guetta, whoever the fuck that is, so be warned Jordan, soon I’ll be the nude guy in the pictures with you only I’ll be coming for you in them and not talking on my mobile phone while showin of my gay ankle tatoo.