Helen Mirren has one of my favorite sets of Granny tits in Hollywood, I mean they’ve got nothing on some of the immigrant Granny tits I saw when I was working as an orderly at an old folk’s home back when I had “Granny Issues” because I never had a grandma growing up, she was too busy working before leaving us high and dry, never showing up on Christmas, making me spend the rest of my life trying to fill that void, first with a cookie addiction and then with knitting classes and finally getting paid to change granny diaper and wash granny ass that would always end with me nestling up to granny tit after the medication kicked in and they’d pass out around 8 pm, and as my pervert friend from the park would say when girls in dresses walked by, you can see where her Vagina Starts and her Legs End which is something that is always quite magical….

Here are some pictures of Helen Mirren proving that the one piece bathing suits aren’t just for fat insecure 12 year old girls at the public pool, but also work out pretty nicely for menopausal, busty, older actresses. So I guess you’re never too old to cover up that sloppy body while still managing to turn me on. It could be my fever talking but I like to think it’s got more to do with those tits. What I would do to change that diaper….

I made the mistake of going to an old folk’s home for lunch the other day, because my friend hates spending time with his crazy mother and because I like free food and the opportunity to meet some decent old widows who have enough money to support me, like I was Anna Nicole Smith or some shit.

I worked in a ghetto Old Folk’s home many years ago, cleaning up old person shit and piss but never made it into the dining room to hang out with the Old people, I didn’t pass the psych test, so I wasn’t allowed to be near the residents, so I figured I was working my way up the ranks of society.

For some crazy reason, I didn’t think about the shit hole I worked at, because I assumed the government shut those fuckers down, but instead imagined some classy old person retirement community you’d see in Florida, where they ride around in golf carts and fuck each other because there’s really no reason not to, since they are all about to die and don’t really have much else to fill their days.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t this happy place you see on the commercials, but a place that smelled of death, where people were being carted around in their wheelchairs, where I’d hear screams of pain from the hallways and where the staff looked suicidal.

I walked to the dining room, where these women ran to me, probably trying to get me to help them escape and I’ll admit, I felt like a star, and liked the attention unfortunately, they were all grey skinned, their dentures on the table while eating Oatmeal and I almost lost my appetite.

I saw a tit fall out of it’s nightgown, I saw a woman who pissed herself getting her diaper changed, I had great conversations with what seemed like insane people, I was flirted with, in a way that only a lonely woman on her deathbed who had a few strokes but who wants one last cock would, and realized that despite the dryness, old pussy is amazing. So I ate my free sandwich and plan on going back next week, maybe I’ll even organize an Old Folk’s home tour, because they don’t seem to have any standards, and that’s something that works for me…

Here’s Helen Mirren in her bikini, showing off her hot body to celebrate my new love for grandmas.

I just made a new friend on the stoop of my apartment. He was this 20 year old dude who was just sitting there talking to himself. His conversation seemed pretty fucking intense as he was laughing loudly, and screaming, then whispering and crying, shit was like an emotional roller coaster and when I looked to see if he had his CIA blue tooth ear piece that junior executives everywhere are rockin in hopes of making their boring lives seemingly more interesting. I decided that dude was obviously talking to himself, so I figured I’d be a nice guy and strike up some conversation so he didn’t feel so alone. It was a mistake.

He went off on how he was involved in some kind of rape last night and that the woman was his friend’s girlfriend’s grandmother because he loved her fucking cookies so much. He figured if she knew how to bake so well, her pussy was probably prime and when she was passed out on her cancer meds in her room, he slipped in to slip it in her. He then started laughing hysterically and that’s when I decided to peace, because crazy people who talk about raping grandmother’s freak me out.

The truth is the only thing better than an old pussy, that can’t get pregnant because it dried up long ago, is young hot pussy on the pill, but I guess it’s a beggars can’t be choosers situation.

Here is Oscar winning Helen Mirren in her bikini, showing of the tits that made her famous and the good news is that she’s only 63 and not 80, like the big breasted senior citizen I once loved when working at the old folks home.